Thursday, June 16, 2011

Faces of Meth: Celebrity Edition

The word "meth" often evokes images of toothless rednecks, burly biker gangs and other unsavory elements of society.  The "Faces of Meth" ad campaign, which showcased the drug's Progeria-like effects in all their scab-encrusted glory, is burned into our nation's collective psyche as a warning against meth abuse.  While the folks featured in the ads were everyday trailer trash like you and me, anyone can fall prey to "the Devil's Drug."  Even celebrities.  Especially celebrities.  And so it is in the spirit of accuracy and equal representation that I present to you--Faces of Meth: Celebrity Edition.  

 Fergie, lead singer of the Black Eyed Peas, has publicly copped to using meth before her rise to international stardom in 2001.  In an interview with People Magazine, she refers to meth as "the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with."  The Dutchess beat the addiction using a combination of hypnotherapy and soul-searching.  Let's just hope it didn't phunk with her heart.

Andre Agassi
 As stated in his autobiography, tennis great Andre Agassi used meth for "a year or so" during his reign as tennis champ in the late '90s.  His secret remained concealed even after failing a drug test, which was discarded when he claimed to have "unwittingly" taken the drug.  Sounds like a bald-headed lie to me.

John F. Kennedy
 One of America's most beloved leaders may have been more doped up than the lot of us.  Along with steroid injections for Addison's disease, JFK received daily doses of amphetamines, Demerol, Methadone, Ritalin, Miltown, thyroid hormone and various barbiturates.  And yet he was still more competent than every president who followed him.  All in a day's work for a true American hero. 

Jodie Sweetin
 As the charming middle daughter on Full House, sitcom sweetie Jodie Sweetin shocked the world when she confessed her addiction to meth; which she details in her memoir, UnSweetined.  While she claims to be sober today, Sweetin admits using ecstasy, meth and cocaine during her 2009 sobriety tour.  How rude. 

Amy Winehouse
 Once ranked among R&B greats like Macy Gray and Sarah Vaughan, singer Amy Winehouse spiraled out of control with the quickness after releasing her 2007 album, Back to Black.  While her exact drug arsenal is unknown, it's safe to assume that one or more amphetamines played a role in the downfall of her career.  And her teeth.

Adolf Hitler
From violent aggression to suicidal paranoia, no one embodies the effects of meth better than Adolf Hitler.  Like JFK, the Fuhrer received daily injections of multiple drugs, including Pervitin--a meth pill abused by soldiers on all sides of WWII.  By the end of his evil reign, Hitler exhibited many classic signs of meth abuse, including premature aging and Parkinson-esque hand tremors.  Wie Bezaubern.

Heidi Fleiss
Notorious Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss has done her fair share of meth, as seen in exhibit A (her face).  Along with ex-hubby Tom Sizemore, she appeared on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew after being busted on drug charges in 2008.  Fleiss has since quit speed, divorced Sizemore and lives in Pahrump, NV with her 20+ parrots.  A fairy tale ending fit for a queen.

---Mary Microgram


  1. "it's safe to assume that one or more amphetamines played a role in the downfall of her career" dumb ass, ever heard of being British? A bad smile comes with the birth right, it has to do with a diet low in green vegetables.

    There are tens of thousands of people who take meth on a daily basis and function fine, in fact without meth they would be a mess. The reason they take it is ADHD and when it is put into a pill it is call Desoxyn.

    1. psychologically it's true some people could become worst without it the only thing that make it worst is that the physiological affect of it

  2. I can't understand the rudeness of the April 5 and June 7 comments.

    After decades of observing people, it seems that people in favor of drugs are mean, and anyone that does not believe like they do SHOULD be talked to in a very rude manner. Which makes me think there is a connection between drug use and a mean personality.

  3. September 27, applause applause! Well said!

  4. Mary, I love your site, but please.....I never took you for a JFK myth believer.

    Believe me, more BS has been associated with JFK supposed greatness (he had balls, I'll give him that much, but only that)than to weeds supposed evil.


  5. Jews like Amy Winehouse look evil when they smile...

    1. u angry evil antisemite.
      u have no talent
      probably play with ur tiny balls all day
      without much fluid inside